One of the comments on my previous post on the idea of selfmarriage and the reactions I got from friends and family after coming out with this idea, was: Congratulations on your engagement! I replied back: “Thanks, but I’m not engaged yet, because I haven’t proposed to myself officially.” So I thought that would be a good next step: the proposal.
I went for a walk (as I often do from my home) and at a very nice and quiet place with trees and a little stream of water I popped the question, after puzzling a little with the wordings; “Do you want to marry me?” or “Do I want to marry me?”
The answer was not a happy and wholehearted YES! It didn’t feel 100% right at that moment. When would you ask someone to marry you and wish to spend the rest of your lives together? I guess a strong feeling of love for this person and trust that you will grow together and excitement about the adventure. From the asking point of perspective I like myself, but unconditionally loving myself feels a bridge too far. From the receiving point of perspective, I felt pressured and fear came in. Apparently I don’t trust myself completely on this. Also the question came in: Who’s marrying whom? So who’s asking?
I decided to be ok for now with an arranged marriage status, because there is definately a part of me that is really excited about this journey and what it will bring.
Lots of Love,