Monthly Archives: February 2017

Quote

“Life doesn’t happen to us, it happens through us”

just a little early morning inspiration

Sometimes life feels tough or challenging, as something that happens to us and there’s nothing we can do. When we are in this state, we separate ourselves from life itself (which is an illusion because we are life). And feel very lonely, sad or angry.

monster8

When we stop resisting life’s experiences and let life (and these emotions) just move through us, like a wave in the ocean, it will move on and make space for another experience and another and another…

Life loves experiential learning (as I), so it will keep delivering experiences. And the fun part is that because in essence we are life, we are able to create the experiences that give us the greatest joy.

What do you want to experience next? What monster will you turn into a friend?

Lots of love,

Annemarie

Selfmarriage – Walking in love

img_3721I like going for a morningwalk on a regular basis (usually around 45min), so it seemed like a nice idea to walk from the house I currently live in, in Veldhoven, to the house that I was born in (where my parents still live) in Soest, Netherlands. So I put on my walking shoes, packed a little bagpack and just started walking on a Mondaymorning. I thought it would be possible to walk the distance of 125km in 5 days. This meant that I was walking 5/6 hours a day. The temperature was around zero. I navigated with google maps and sometimes a compass when I wanted to take a nice route through fields or a forest without roads. It’s funny how food becomes important when you are walking. So I navigated myself to stops for a coffee- or hot chocolate break in the morning, a nice lunch in the afternoon, a late afternoon tea or beer and a place to eat and sleep for the night. I used friends, Airbnb, booking.com and bedandbreakfast.eu for my sleeps.

img_3788I expected the trip to be about going back to my roots. It turned out differently in  a very nice way. I totally loved the experience of walking by myself for such a long time. It was about being present in the moment with all my senses being tickled; seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, touching. I totally fell in love with LIFE!

It also felt great that I could shamelessly burb, fart, talk to myself, sing and sometimes make funny dancemoves to motivate myself when I got tired or bored. A good friend recently told me that if his daughter (who’s now 6 years old) ever wants his parental advice on her boyfriend, he has two questions for her. 1. Does he make you feel good about yourself? And 2. Does he make you laugh? I learned during this trip that I can make myself feel good about myself and that I can actually make img_3785myself laugh. I’m surprisingly funny when I get bored 😉 And because I was feeling good, I met nice people, had nice conversations and ended up in very nice places. (you receive what you radiate).

On Day 3 I started having pain in my left knee. My knee was obviously less happy than I was. At the end of day 4, it really hurt badly. I ended up in a nice cosy gardenhouse, with an old dutch ‘bedstee’ and a fireplace. I asked myself the question: “What would a person who really loves herself do?” (a question I often asked myself during this selfmarriage journey, inspired by spiritual teacher Teal Swan) and I answered myself that it was totally ok to quit the next morning if my knee wasn’t feeling better. This trip wasn’t about reaching the endgoal, it was about falling in love with LIFE. And I already did accomplish that. I called my mother who planned to walk the last day with me. We decided that my parents would come the next morning and that I would decide then to walk or to ride home with them.

img_3806The next morning, after a cosy nights rest in the ‘bedstee’ with a warm water bottle (‘kruik’) my knee felt much better. My mother had brought an elastic kneeband and a walking stick. My father took my backpack home. We decided to call him if it didn’t work out and off we went. My mother is 70 years old, but very active and sporty (rows 3 times a week). She has a new hip that works perfectly. And ofcourse we started catching up while we were walking. It was funny to notice the big difference in experience of walking by myself or with someone else. After 1,5 hours I suggested to stop talking and enjoy and appreciate the nature around us.

img_3815After 5 hours of walking (with a big lunchbreak) we arrived at my parental house in Soest, where I was born 45 years ago. I made it! Feeling happy and proud.

My main insights of this trip;

Love LIFE, talk less, stretch yourself but not too much (also take care), the Netherlands are beautiful, connect to nature, spend time alone, allow yourself to get bored, do things that make you feel good, happy people connect easily to others, appreciate little things.

Lots of Love,

Annemarie

 

Selfmarriage – dance with my shadowside

A funny thing happened on my morning walk a few weeks ago. It was a cold and sunny winterday in the Netherlands. At one moment the img_3664sun was behind me and I was walking along my own shadow for at least 1o minutes, the stream of water seeming to separate us into two. I waved at myself. Even tried some shadowy dancemoves and taking shadow selfies :-).

An #insight came to me. If I want to marry myself, I need to invite and welcome my shadowside as well. What I see as my shadowside are the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that I have put away into my subconscious, pretending not to be there. At some point in my (early) life, I have decided these thoughts, feelings and behaviors were not ok, and thus I was not ok unless I burried them deep. It is probably why so many people feel they’re not good enough. How can you believe you’re worthy and good enough if you hide parts of yourself out of fear, shame or guilt…

Shadowwork is about inviting your shadows to come out of the dark into your awareness and welcome them with your presence. Not an easy thing to do, because it can feel overwhelming and very vulnerable. I totally get my ego now, trying to ‘safe’ me by pulling me away from these strong emotions.  A thought that helps me is; nothing will come up unless I’m ready and able to deal with it. Although at times it felt like I almost died, I’m still here, alive and kicking. Maybe aspects of me actually did die. The ones that serve me no longer. What remains is a feeling of trust that I can be there for myself, even if things feel very painful. I know now that these strong ‘negative’ feelings will not kill me but flow through me like waves and make place for positive feelings once I allow and accept them fully.

I am a believer in the Law of Attraction (that which you focus your attention on grows), so I’ve always tried to keep a positive focus. That works very well, unless you’re using this positive focus to avoid something negative, because then it will only (subconsciously) fuel the negativity that you resist. And that will eventually show up in all kinds of ‘unwanted’ life circomstances. Untill you finally get it.

It was funny to realize that deeply connecting to myself resulted in deep existential feelings of loneliness. At least I understand now why I have a fear and a longing for connecting at the same time.

I also understand now, that; If we place the light outside of ourselves, in others, in circomstances to make us happy, to make us feel whole..our shadowside will silently walk with us. The moment this other person or the circumstance doesn’t give us what we want from them, our shadow starts to scream with pain, disguised in all kinds of weird behavior (anger, withdrawal, victimhood, selfhate).

The good news is; when we decide to turn inward and look at our own shadow(s) and accept them, that we put our own light on them and they will dissolve.

I’m a work in progress and that’s ok. Learning to dance with my shadows.img_3663

playfully yours,

Annemarie

 

Video

Selfmarriage – great TEDx from Tracy McMillon