Selfmarriage – awakening to wholeness

Do you know these wheels on playgrounds? For me they represent how I experienced life. The wheel is life and I can give it a swing and hop on, enjoying the flow of lif157753_g1_13_t0147e. And I have a choice to hop off to watch others having fun taking a spin. Sometimes life goes too fast and you either fall off or you can’t get on. Or it is so full of other people (having fun, or making noise) that you have to wait for your turn. So in essence, I always experienced life as something outside of myself. Of something that I was IN or OUT. And being out, as the observer, I could feel very lonely, even with having great friends and family around me. Existential loneliness.

On a mental level I understood this vision on life was false. But I couldn’t get to the core feeling of it. Knowing (mentally) and Knowing (gut feeling) are two different things.

Then I went (ofcourse) on a walk. Four days after I finished my walk from my hometown to my birthplace. During this trip I truly had fallen in love with life itself. Now it was February 14th, Valentine’s Day. Maybe it was because this highly commercialized day of love at least makes people focus on love a little more deliberate than usual. Maybe it was my imagination, but I felt a huge vibration of love in the air. I believe that when enough people focus on positive feeling energy, that the energy on a global level will rise.

And then it finally hit me. I felt this huge love for life and an insight came to me: I AM LIFE, so YES ofcourse I love myself. But also I AM the wheel, and I AM the observer, and I  AM the trees, and I AM the air, and I AM Donald Trump (Whahahahahaha).

Then I finally popped the question: Do I really want to marry ME? And the answer came very casual: “Ofcourse, why not, let’s celebrate!” So since Valentine’s Day I’m officially engaged to myself…to life…and that feels great!

Lots of Love,

Annemarie

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One response to “Selfmarriage – awakening to wholeness

  1. Peter Rozemond

    Congrats on your Self-engagement, Annemarie. You’d chosen a ♡ly day stepping into it. And i love your blog. It’s beautifully written.
    Existential loneliness. In the end we are all on our own. That’s the essence of our existance. Not always easy, because we hang on to life and other people. We fear to be deserted and invented shame to protect us. But there is so much wisdom in accepting and embracing existentual loneliness! It’s the home of selflove.
    As you get to marry yourself soon, you probably have realised there’s no place for compromises. You got to take it all. The fun and the ugly part. For good and bad times. That includes the existential loneliness. Love it, share it, own it and make fun out of it. Seek it in silence and in vibrancy, in meditation and in full action. Both of You. It may appear to be your best friend. If you guys let it.

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