Today I had to admit to myself that I am suffering from a relapse in old pain, thoughts and behaviour. I recognized the signals for a while, and was kind of hoping they would dissapear by themselves…NOT. When you ignore or try to suppress something, it only gets bigger. I know that really accepting (and feeling) the situation as it is (“SHIT! I’m in a damn! relapse”), is the only first step on my way through this. Relapse is often associated with addiction and the use of drugs or alcohol to get a relief from the underlying pain. But in my case, when I refer to the term Relapse, it’s about falling back into old patterns of thought.
Just as I thought I had mastered this thing called LIFE and LOVE, feeling totally happy and in flow just six weeks ago, it bit me in my tail again. My thoughts were taking me in a downward spiral, feeling like a failure and that something is seriously wrong with me, that I had been fooling myself into believing this huge personal growth that I had made. It felt like falling all the way BACK.
After a big cry I got this insight. In the law of life, there is no such thing as falling back. Everything is constantly in forward or expanding/outward motion. So this idea of falling BACK does not exist. Reframing my state into falling FORWARD helped to see that I’m still in a miserable state, but one that I can fall forward in. Another opportunity for growth, to explore yet another layer or aspect of my same old patterns.
And a good opportunity to bring my selfwedding vows (LIEFDE) into practice, because I’m sure they will be helpful to get through this.
Listen to my body
Invest time in myself & my relationships
Emotions (all of them) are welcome
Focus positive, unless something negative calls for attention. Focus on the NOW.
Dare to be myself and show myself.
Energy is everything.
Lots of Love,