Welcoming my emotions (all of them)

Do you know this feeling, when you get really excited about something and then it’s taken away..🙁

Two days ago I got a surprise email with an invitation for an interview on a radioshow in South Korea about selfmarriage. I thought it was very cool that they found me and that the topic somehow is getting some attention. They phoned me to check the connection and said they would send me some prep questions the next day. I shared it with my friends on facebook, who shared my joy by reacting enthusiastically, which made me even more excited. The next morning (yesterday) I got another email, saying they were sorry to say that they confirmed another person for the interview.

I felt dissapointment and immediately my mind started to rationalize to get away from this feeling; “nothing bad happened, it’s not that big a deal, there’s probably not even that much people listening to this radioshow…blablabla.” Then I noticed this old pattern of neglecting my emotions and thought about my Weddingvow “Emotions are welcome. All of them! So I sat down and welcomed the dissapointment to be fully felt.

And with the feeling of dissapointment, there came a memory of my first big dissapointment (that I can recollect). When I was in pre-school I wanted to give my teacher a present, so I wrapped an orange in nice looking paper. I was really excited about it. My mother walked me to school and because we were early I could play outside for a few minutes. My mother went back home. I put my present on a little wall and played until the bell rang. When I came back to the wall, my present was gone!! Some kid had unwrapped it and ate the orange! I was so dissapointed, hurt and angry that I ran back home by myself. My mother was ofcourse surprised to see me back, tried to comfort me, and brought me back to school.

It is these little, seemingly unimportant little moments that define your life. I decided not to allow myself to get too happy and excited about something, because before you know it, it can be taken away, which causes painful emotions.
I’m learning now to allow those painful emotions back into my life, because I want to be able to fully step into my Joy too.

It’s an interesting journey.

Lots of Love,

Annemarie

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